The dinner party, reimagined. Julia Khan Anselmo shares five rules for turning any table into a place people never want to leave.

A rulebook by Julia Khan Anselmo interviewed by Sara Schifano.

TJulia Khan Anselmo was between jobs in Vancouver when she started gathering women around her kitchen table. It was 2013, her apartment functioned as a de facto community centre, and she had a simple but urgent instinct: that people were lonely, that cities needed more real-life connection, and that food was the most honest way to create it. 

More than a decade later, her project – Feisty Feast – has travelled from Vancouver to San Francisco, Amsterdam, Sicily, Tuscany, and Mallorca, evolving from an intimate feminist supper club into a full culinary residency practice with a devoted global following. 

Nine years living in Amsterdam – a city built around markets, flowers, and an almost religious attention to what’s in season – sharpened that instinct further, teaching her to shop daily, cook with nature’s calendar, and let the landscape lead. The throughline, from the first dinner to the last, has always been the same: that hosting is an act of care, and the table is where that care becomes visible.

1. Care is the ingredient that comes first. 

Before the menu, before the flowers, before a single knife hits a board, hosting demands a decision: to genuinely give your time to another person. Create “a temporary respite from the world” — a place where guests leave their coats, their bags, and the day’s noise at the door. That intention, held firmly before anything else is prepared, is what separates a dinner from an experience.

2. Eat with the seasons, shop with your eyes open. 

“What grows together, goes together”. Bring that principle to the table — literally. Tuck wild garlic, seasonal fruits, or fresh-cut flowers into your table arrangement. The best decoration is often the food itself.

“Temporary respite from the world.” 

3. Set the table before the first knock at the door. 

This one is a non-negotiable: “chaos is not chic”. Iron the tablecloth. Align the glassware. Check that every fork is in its place. Think of a direct parallel to getting dressed — if your wardrobe is carefully curated, putting an outfit together should feel effortless. The table works the same way. “Details matter. Fresh flowers and ironed linens are the baseline.”

4. Presence over performance — but do overdress. 

The finest music at any dinner is the symphony of guests talking and glasses clinking. Music should hover, never dominate. Put your phone away. Refrain from doing the dishes while guests are seated. And when it comes to your outfit? Always err on the side of too much. “It’s always better to be overdressed than underdressed” — at the table, and in life.

5. A great dinner is a collaboration. 

Invite guests into it. Let someone open the champagne, peel a potato, pass a dish. Family-style serving isn’t just generous — it’s social architecture, a quiet prompt for strangers to reach toward each other. The host sets the stage; the guests make it live.

credits: @feisty_feast @julia_khan_anselmo @sarinsaret